Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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