I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
