I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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