shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
