I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
