I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
