STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
