that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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