i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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