He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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