I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
