if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
