he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
