I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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