I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
