If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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