Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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