hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
