Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
