Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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