You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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