i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
