How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
