I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
