i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
