just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize