I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
