mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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