By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
