Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
