We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
