Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize