i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
