We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
