stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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