I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
