he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
