you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
