If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
