I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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