Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
