He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
