Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize