Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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