Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
either way he was missing a nipple.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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