Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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