you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
