That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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