i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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