Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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