yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
