Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
