At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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