I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
