she woke up with a sticky ear
4 words: hood of his car
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
