is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
