just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
