there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
