and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
