Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my being single is dangerous.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
