i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How does one acquire holy water?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
