How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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