If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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