So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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