Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
