Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
