I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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