just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
