I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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