When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
