Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
