Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you had me at cake vodka
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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