D3 body, D1 cock
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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