Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
