i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize