my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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