I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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