she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
