I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
