Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
