Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
