first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
